Tag Archives: freeform

Musical Muse Monday (Post!)

Edge of the World

Living a Life Worth it.

(Song: OneRepublic – Counting Stars)

I made it to the top of the mountain – the peak, and I closed my eyes, filling up my lungs with the clean fresh air. I had decisions to make and my heart palpated as I walked close to the edge of the cliff I’d just climbed.

I pulled off my shoes and socks, my shirt and shorts – wanting to feel the wind on my skin – I was alone – free to be me.

Lately I’d been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be.

I felt like a lion and a lamb, quiet and reserved, vicious and loud. I chuckled under my breath. He thought he’d broken me, that he’d won, but the irony was spent on him. He’d never know, and that was okay. Reserved victory is still victory.

The sharpness of the rocks beneath my feet should be painful, but I am numb to the demands of my flesh. My heart is soaring and breaking in conjunction. I make it to the edge of the cliff and turn ninety degrees, and I began to walk on the very edge of the mountain. Hope used to be my four letter word.

To my left is the grassy top of the formation, welcoming, warm, inviting – safe. To my right is the jagged cliff and it’s promise of sweet release. It’s whispers talk of carnal pleasures, explosive joy… danger. I shiver at the thought of falling into it’s delicious trap one minutes and laugh deep in my chest the next. I feel something so wrong doing the right thing. I could lie, but the truth was that everything that kills me makes me feel alive in that moment.

My right foot dips to skim the outside of the cliff, cutting my foot. The color infiltrating my senses. I stop and back up from the cliff, clinging to the only reality I know – the safe one.

But love and mystery and rebellion scream at me to come and not walk along the edge but to jump, jump into the unknown and take life for the ride it was intended to be. The two parts of my soul fight for dominion; safe or free? Which life will I chose?

I see his face, I hear his voice, I feel his touch. The warmth of his breath rushing to surround my nakedness and I release myself to him. He is what I know. He’s what’s safe. And then she awakens and I growl in my chest, waking up to the alarming reality of the situation. He wasn’t what he appeared to be – oh he was so good – almost good enough to forget his transgressions, but no… no, he’s not a risk worth taking.

But drowning in the dance floor, letting my soul dance to the music, sweating with a million others, finding a new lover, starting a movement, being a rebel and daring fate to press against me – those are risks worth taking. There will be hundreds of men in my life, but only one me, only one time to take this risk.

I smile, content and pull myself up, flinging my arms wide, loving the way I feel, the way I look… Beautiful and unashamed of who I’ve been and who I plan to be. I don’t walk, but run to the edge of life and I fling myself off the ledge and dive into a world of possibilities.

I will be the love of someone’s life. I will sing and dance and create with the light and dark passions in my heart. I will share my soul and my wealth with those that are in need and I will dance naked and unashamed in the rain as it washes me clean.

That’s a risk worth taking. To live a life unbound. To endlessly count the stars and never apologize for looking up.

That’s the choice I make – what about you?

L.

Picture from : beachy-head-chalk-cliff-in-southern-england-nicknamed-edge-of-the-world–18606

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Random Scene Writing: Never to be

Never to be mine.

Never to be.

Never.

So close that I could almost feel the heat from his skin and yet he was years away from my grasp.

It was the same as the last time we stood face to face as if not a moment had passed since our last encounter. Realization of the fading chance of redemption through the purest form of human emotion touched his gaze.

Long black eyelashes brushed caramel-colored cheeks as the shaky inhale of finality rushed through the ether and threatened to choke me. With his eyes closed the color of my fantasies lay hidden behind pain laced in regret.

My fingers danced slowly as my arm hung beside me, muscles disobeying the core of my command to reach out and grasp on so tightly in an effort to not lose him again. There would not be another chance to change the past but my pride held me to this very memory, a decision I could not undo no matter how many times I tried to rethink it.

Fate had far exceeded my efforts and failed to be bothered to shift that which had already occurred.

Sandy brown hair rustled in the breeze of early winter, the absence of color surrounding the thickness of our snow boots as his eyes opened and fear stabbed my soul.

We were without choice, without hope, without one another.

I began to speak, hoping to pull a sound from his chest, the timbre of remembrance at the sound of his voice beckoned me to do whatever necessary to hear him again. He slowly shook his head, the wind whispering me into silence as it always did.

I knew what was to come moments before the crimson stain formed in the middle of his white sweater, his strong shoulders slumping slowly as he stared at me expressionless. How many times would my memory force me to witness the death of love?

The hot emotion of my loss welled in the depths of my amber gaze, a tear spilling over to run down an alabaster cheek. A sound I made not until he sunk to his knees, his hands reaching out to catch himself in the snow just before my feet, a soft exhale leaving his beautiful lips.

It was so hard to breath in the midst of the cold, but nothing was more painful than trying to remain alive as he died before me. The moment before all was lost he would look up and let his gaze touch mine as if to remind me that his demise was not mine.

I dreaded the intimacy of that contact and yet my very heart beat in anticipation of a love such as this. The color of life painted the white coldness around us as he sunk lower, his last movement a slight shift to let his chin lift just so. He said nothing and in that silence was every word we’d ever spoken and all of those that we’d not be afforded.

Seemingly upon the light dimming in his eyes the last bit of hope that once resided in me died beside him. Darkness ushered in its offered reprieve and numbness replaced all sense of humanity that resided beneath my breast. I welcomed it today as I did yesterday and the day before.

The onyx blade slipped from numbed fingers and deafening screams of regret filled the ether.

Heaven awaited his return and hell mine.

Never.

Never to be.

Never to be mine.