Tag Archives: fear

Musical Muse Monday (Post)

fear

Discerning the Dark

 (Song: Soundtrack Original to Halloween, the movie)

Fear is what makes us alive. It’s the one emotion that no one admits to desiring and yet when it arrives on your doorstep, its welcomed with a shudder and calloused relief. The belief that we want to live forever is a façade when truly we all yearn to peek into the black abyss of death. The unknown is only a matter of objective theory and when we journey deeper into its twisted path of promise, we feel emotions we’d never felt. Lust, love and sadness are fleeting… but fear, fear has the guarantee of addiction that ensures continuation deep into the darkness of the night.

I once believed that the world was a good place, that things that passed on to the next world didn’t linger, but my eyes were opened and the veil was torn with the death of my father. The icy cold whisper of death swept through my young life and exposed me to a world that threatens to destroy innocence and beckons me to a release of reality. I used to fear death, but now… knowing what I do. I welcome it.

What is your fear? Everyone holds them close to their bosom and some even try to turn and face them, to conquer if you will. But what if you’re afraid of that which is intangible and untouchable? Maybe running from that fear that holds me so tightly is my only choice, for I fear the unknown and it controls me. It reaches into my waking world and redirects my goals, my hopes – my future. It finds delight in slipping into my dreams and choking me, promising release if I will just succumb to its dark caress. I cannot win, though I know the demon I fight.

For today, perhaps I’ll just run and pray that it doesn’t catch up.

**Picture from http://42stillnoclue.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/8-brain-fear.jpg

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Random Writing Scene: Fear of the Unknown

Fear of the Unknown

Xenophobia – Fear of the unknown… because it means a loss of control – the inability to make the correct decision that will lead to the most desired outcome. There is nothing worse (for me) than not knowing. I have to keep myself in a state of constant awareness of the moment – so that thinking about tomorrow is a figment of my imagination – a chore that I lack the time to attend to.

I woke this morning and put my feet on the floor, my to-do list running through my mind like a pair of comfortable slippers. Ahhhh – busy. That is what I must stay to keep those pesky brain cells from racing into tomorrow and finding that maybe it doesn’t exist, maybe today is all I have.

I rush through my day and even in the briefest moments of relaxation, my mind is aware of its chore of thinking endlessly. I remain concentrated on things that don’t matter and have no eternal impact, but they keep me unaware of the unknown.

As I make my way home there is a noise behind me. A rustle of paper and the sound of grating metal fills  the air. I laugh. I do not fear that which I should, but that which I shouldn’t, so in this moment, maybe death is welcomed at the hands of a mad-man, for he is moments from being known by my psyche. I turn to greet him and he stands before me, blood dripping from his knife like fingers, a deep scowl on his scared, dirty face. He licks one of the blades and shutters.

I remain still, calm, unafraid. A smile plays on my lips and concern flitters across his brow.

I exhale, because I am comforted by what will happen next. I don’t want to die, but tis better to leave in a fashion that I am aware of, than being caught off guard by my greatest fear. He shakes his head in disapproval of my stance and waves his hands, the knives grating against each other. I blink and he’s gone.

I look around and there are walls everywhere, thick walls made of vine and grass. I reach to touch one. It is firm and welcoming beneath my fingers, but my heart begins to race. I look behind me and in front of me and all I see are walls, curving this way and that, no solid pattern, no map of their designed course.

A maze.

I began to run as my heart speeds up, my mind racing as well. What’s around the next corner? Which way do I turn?

It is my greatest fear come to life and I am losing the capacity to formula cognizant thought. I blink hard several times, trying to clear my mind. I stop and bend over, gasping for air – for life. I look behind me and the maze has shifted, ever-changing and turning. My heart flutters and I drop to my knees, grasping my chest. No. No, no, no, no….

Every turn and every step along this path whispers its promise of my failure. But I shall fail because I didn’t have the ability to see the plan, to plot out the course, because it is ever changing and I am walking through the valley of all that is unknown.

My eyes close and my mind grips my veins and the blood flow stops. I slump over as blood drips from my nose onto the pretty, green grass. This is the end – the unknown has conquered me and alas I lay down my sword and bow to its might.

I jerk up in bed, the nightmare still racing through my mind and I am comforted and horrified all in the same moment. I stand and breathe deeply, hoping to get air into my compressed lungs. I walk to the bedroom door and open it. No.

I look around me and there are walls everywhere…

L.