Never to be mine.
Never to be.
So close that I could almost feel the heat from his skin and yet he was years away from my grasp.
It was the same as the last time we stood face to face as if not a moment had passed since our last encounter. Realization of the fading chance of redemption through the purest form of human emotion touched his gaze.
Long black eyelashes brushed caramel-colored cheeks as the shaky inhale of finality rushed through the ether and threatened to choke me. With his eyes closed the color of my fantasies lay hidden behind pain laced in regret.
My fingers danced slowly as my arm hung beside me, muscles disobeying the core of my command to reach out and grasp on so tightly in an effort to not lose him again. There would not be another chance to change the past but my pride held me to this very memory, a decision I could not undo no matter how many times I tried to rethink it.
Fate had far exceeded my efforts and failed to be bothered to shift that which had already occurred.
Sandy brown hair rustled in the breeze of early winter, the absence of color surrounding the thickness of our snow boots as his eyes opened and fear stabbed my soul.
We were without choice, without hope, without one another.
I began to speak, hoping to pull a sound from his chest, the timbre of remembrance at the sound of his voice beckoned me to do whatever necessary to hear him again. He slowly shook his head, the wind whispering me into silence as it always did.
I knew what was to come moments before the crimson stain formed in the middle of his white sweater, his strong shoulders slumping slowly as he stared at me expressionless. How many times would my memory force me to witness the death of love?
The hot emotion of my loss welled in the depths of my amber gaze, a tear spilling over to run down an alabaster cheek. A sound I made not until he sunk to his knees, his hands reaching out to catch himself in the snow just before my feet, a soft exhale leaving his beautiful lips.
It was so hard to breath in the midst of the cold, but nothing was more painful than trying to remain alive as he died before me. The moment before all was lost he would look up and let his gaze touch mine as if to remind me that his demise was not mine.
I dreaded the intimacy of that contact and yet my very heart beat in anticipation of a love such as this. The color of life painted the white coldness around us as he sunk lower, his last movement a slight shift to let his chin lift just so. He said nothing and in that silence was every word we’d ever spoken and all of those that we’d not be afforded.
Seemingly upon the light dimming in his eyes the last bit of hope that once resided in me died beside him. Darkness ushered in its offered reprieve and numbness replaced all sense of humanity that resided beneath my breast. I welcomed it today as I did yesterday and the day before.
The onyx blade slipped from numbed fingers and deafening screams of regret filled the ether.
Heaven awaited his return and hell mine.
Never to be.
Never to be mine.